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After a Good Man Cheats: How to Rebuild Trust & Intimacy with Your Wife
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You are a good man who made a bad decision. You were unfaithful in your marriage.
You love your wife, and now that you see clearly what your infidelity has done to her, you are incredibly sorry you have hurt her so much.Â
You want to save your marriage. You don't want to lose your family. I know you are doing your best to regain your wife's trust, but no matter what you do, you seem to make it worse. She has so many questions about your affair. So. Many. Questions.
Not only is your wife furious, but she's also emotionally volatile. Sometimes, she seems to love you more deeply than ever, and other times, she kicks you out of the house.Â
You are on a roller coaster. You want your marriage back, but you're not sure how to help your wife trust you again and move forward. She doesn't know what she wants, and her volatility exhausts and upsets you. You both are stuck.
My name is Dr. Caroline Madden. I've been a licensed marriage and family therapist in Los Angeles for more than a decade. I have helped countless couples restore their marriages after infidelity.Â
I've seen women just like your wife go through the whole process - from uncovering their husbands' affair to making it to the other side, heart healed and marriage restored. I have heard their innermost thoughts and concerns as they try to process their husbands' betrayal. I know what specific stages your wife will experience. I know what prevents women from moving forward, and I know what women need in order to trust and forgive.Â
Most importantly, I know the things men say and do that they think are helpful but actually make things worse.Â
This audiobook is a practical action plan that will walk you through the first stages after your wife has discovered your infidelity. Learn the tools to fix your marriage. Avoid the (sometimes fatal) mistakes I've seen so many men make.Â
In this audiobook, you'll learn the things your wife is going to feel, say, and do, giving you the following:
Insight into what she is thinking and why this is so hard for her to get over
Practical advice so you know exactly what to do at this important stage
Actual scripts so you know what to say in response to very specific situations
Clear explanations as to why certain words and actions you think will be helpful might be making this worse
Two self-administered quizzes to help you determine why you cheated so you can get a better understanding of what triggered your affair. Â
Included at the appropriate points are scripts of what to say and why you need to say those words at that time.
This is the most important time for you to get things right, because your wife is actively deciding at this stage whether or not she wants to stay with you. Buy After a Good Man Cheats today.
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Audible Audiobook
Listening Length: 2 hours and 55 minutes
Program Type: Audiobook
Version: Unabridged
Publisher: Train of Thought Press
Audible.com Release Date: March 13, 2019
Whispersync for Voice: Ready
Language: English, English
ASIN: B07PM8JGDN
Amazon Best Sellers Rank:
I am so happy I found this book, I only wish I had purchased it as soon as I found out about my husband's adultery. I bought it for my husband to read (I read it first). While I have not decided if it is the best thing for us to stay married after his betrayal, this book definitely made things a little easier.There are some things I didn't agree with, I prefer full disclosure and this book has some suggestions about keeping certain things from the wife. I just feel the weakness and dishonesty of the cheater was part of the problem, so don't keep doing it. However, some things are said that mirrored how I was feeling and that really helped me to feel normal and it helped my husband understand part of what I was going through.I really saw a change in the way he approached my outbursts and constant tears and it has really helped to see him make an effort. He was thankful for the book and it felt it was a helpful guide.
This book has some very good advice. Unfortunately, that good advice is surrounded by absolutely horrible advice and will lead to divorce, the one thing she is saying she is trying to help you avoid.The first area is mentioned a couple of times in other reviews - she suggest deleting all 'evidence' of the affair so that the wife can't find it. However, she goes on to admit several pages later that the wife has probably seen a lot of the evidence and that betrayed women are excellent at finding information. Why set the man up for failure in that way? By telling him to delete the evidence and try to deceive his wife, she is having the man go into the situation lying. How can you encourage the man to be "transparent" and to be "honest", but also try to purge any evidence of the affair? That makes no sense.The other thing she encourages is to not admit to the affair if you don't think your wife knows. What? She literally tells the man if he doesn't believe the wife knows about the affair, mention that he wants to go to marriage counseling, but don't tell the wife you had an affair and keep it a secret - even in counseling. What? Again, you are encouraging this "good man" to keep a serious secret.She also does not insist the man keeping this secret from his spouse be tested for STDs. Really? Not only are you having him keep a secret, you are allowing him to potentially infect his wife and risk her own health because she doesn't know that she should get tested. The author admits most affairs happen at work or are with friends or family of the wife - you really think it is okay to keep that a secret from the wife? The wife has no right to know her "best girlfriend" has been sleeping with her husband? She doesn't have a right to know her husband has been sleeping with his co-worker and they are still going to be working together?Like I said, she has some great advice - especially when it comes to meeting the needs of the wife who knows about the affair. However, her surrounding advice is so troubling and so disrespectful to the faithful spouse that I cannot recommend this book. Her advice completely contradicts itself throughout the book. For instance, on the one hand she admits that many women who find out their husband had an affair at least feel relief that they aren't 'crazy' since they felt something was going on, but then she tells men NOT to tell their wife unless they are caught/confronted. What? You admit that most women feel something is going on and even think they are crazy for suspecting their 'good man' is cheating, but you want to allow the man to continue to gaslight his wife by pretending he didn't cheat when he did? How is that not cruel to the faithful spouse?Her bad advice easily takes a 'good man' and makes him an even bigger liar and deceiver. How devastating will it be to that spouse when they find out they went through marriage counseling, gave it their all, only to find out their husband lied the entire time and kept an affair a secret. That ISN'T a good man, that is a man that is being cruel to his spouse.So, I would only recommend this book for "good men" that are honest with their spouse and can ignore that bad advice included.
First of all, I love that this book is written by a woman. Many books on restoring a marriage after infidelity or sexual sin are written by men, teaching men how to essentially trick their wives into forgiving them, or at the least not divorcing them. They tend towards "you screwed up, be on your best behavior for a while and she will get off your back eventually".Madden doesn't take that approach at all.Instead, Madden talks men through the realities of the devastation that they have poured onto their wives. I need to be clear, this book is written for men that have had actual affairs (emotional or physical). This isn't a book for wives, but for husbands to better understand what they have done and how it has impacted their wives. She addresses real life conversations that need to be had, questions you should ask, as well as tangible real life steps to help your wife feel more secure in your marriage. She also gives clear and calming phrases to use to help lead the conversations in a positive manner.
Some Key Elements Were Overlooked, But Overall a Good Foundation: I think the book should have included dynamics like alcohol or substance dependence as a factor, given that they reduce a person's inhibitions and judgement. I also think that the presence of any mental health disorder can play a role in the cheating behaviors. When "Thinking Errors" are present, the cheater needs to see that list outlined in the book, and identify, "Oh, that's what I'm doing. That's how I'm justifying my affair". I also think you give a mixed message of be transparent and completely open, keeping no secrets, but oh, delete all your text messages, emails, Facebook messages, etc. That promotes secrecy, which is a core element of adultery.
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